Dear MOB or MOG, (as we in the industry like to call the mothers of the bride or groom)
It’s their special day, can you believe it? I’m sure you can’t and in the hustle and bustle and the final preparations you’ve gotten so caught up in the centerpieces and seating charts that you may have forgotten just how special this day is. Sure, you want to take every ounce of stress from the beautiful couple and so you will sacrifice yourself or your hair appointment in order to make sure everything is set up “just right” but I want you to just stop. Stop running around like crazy, stop nit picking the candy table, just stop right where you are and think for a minute. Remember when she was just a little girl wearing your old dress slips and a lace curtain and pretending to be a bride? Remember when he brought her home for the first time and you just knew she was the one? I’m sure this all feels a little overwhelming and surreal but today is a special day for you, too, and I don’t want you to be so caught up in making everything perfect for them that you miss how really cool their wedding will be.
Now, I know you are so excited to see some of your best friends and work buddies and I am sure you just can’t wait to get caught up on the latest office gossip but I also want you to just be present, happy, and in the moment (whatever that moment might be.) Don’t stress her out when you can’t get her button secured on her dress and don’t wipe at her teeth when her lipstick gets on them… she’s under enough pressure, instead just hug her like she is still your little girl and tell her how proud she makes you. Now, take a deep breath. Today is the day your “baby” gets married and the fact that they are so happy should be enough fuel for you to just let go and be present. Trust me, I know that the parents of the almost-newlyweds feel the stress of making sure the day goes off without a hitch but let me tell you this: everything that can possibly done, has been done. You have planned and prepped and touched every detail over the last months and today is the day to just let it all go. If you relax, everyone will relax (I promise you!)
Okay, now here’s something you probably don’t want to hear but let me ease your worries. I want you to shut off all devices: phones, cameras, and anything of the sort. I want you to be in the moment without one eye squinting through the viewfinder and without an ounce of energy expended on a blurry iPhone photo. Don’t worry, we’ve got this and we would far rather have you smiling in the background than standing there taking the same photo we are taking… your children will thank you, too. Now, don’t worry, you will be getting all of the photos we take and it won’t take months and months to get them back. In fact, you will be in more of the photos if you aren’t shooting on your point and shoot or trying to sneak an iPhone photo as the bride walks down the aisle. We want them to remember you enjoying the moment, not attempting to document it (and if you are anything like my parents, your iPhone photography skills need work – sorry mom!) Disconnect from technology for the day and offer yourself as a source of presence for the lovebirds. Not only will you see so many special moments, you will engrain them into your memory forever and we will take the photos to help you remember them!
It’s going to be a whirlwind of a day for you. You are one of the only people in the room that know the schedule, the plans, where the dessert is supposed to go, and how the centerpieces are supposed to be packed up at the end of the night. I want you to let all that go, take a deep breath, and put a smile on your face because the room is full of friends and family and supporters of the marriage that just happened. It’s amazing, it’s exhilarating, and it’s a once in a lifetime sort of day. If the newlyweds are taking some time for photos before cocktail hour, it would be awesome if you could greet guests on their behalf until they make their grand entrance and when they come through that door looking like they are on top of the world, it’s okay to let a few happy tears squeak by. (Don’t let them tell you that crying isn’t okay, it’s totally okay…. I cry at every wedding, at least once!) Remember them as a kid, remember their dreams, their ambitions, and watch as so much comes to fruition as they promise to spend forever with another amazing human being. It’s an amazing day and we want you to just forget about making it the “perfect” day for them – it’s already perfect, because they are together and finally married!
So many would wish their own mom could be there with them on their wedding day and not everyone is lucky enough to have their mom present on the perfect day. So mom, my dear and loving mothers, I want you to just be there for them when they need you, to support them, love them, encourage them, hug them, and be present for them on their day! We’ve got the rest, we will help whenever you need it, and we want you to be in their wedding photos as a huge part of their day! We love you, dear moms. Now, grab some wine and relax!
Love,
Me
As the Mother of three daughters – I THANK YOU for the wonderful advice!! It will be a day to cherish as I wasn’t fortunate enough to share it with my Mom – although she was there as nothing would have kept her away <3
Thank you for the good advice! I will use it next August! Can’t wait!