Every year I sit down and write a birthday post – this years post? It’s coming to you from my bed… a habit I thought I broke but since it’s my birthday week, I figured, why the hell not? Usually I make these things all sappy and sentimental but this year is a little different. To be honest, birthday’s don’t really feel like much anymore – sad, but true. Remember when your mom told you that’d happen someday? I do… and I didn’t believe her, but it’s totally true.
Wanna see God laugh?
Show Him your plans. This past year has held SO many crazy things. When I think about some of the tough stuff, I see God’s hand in all of it – does it make it any easier or less painful? Absolutely not. But even still, He is good. I think year 28 was all about really learning to trust in His plan. I was forced to my knees far too many times with big questions but God was sprinkling out the answers to those questions like a breadcrumb trail. When I think of the last year of my life, it was a true catalyst towards what’s next. It stopped our motion, froze us at times, but gave us time to really look at what’s most important to us and pursue that. There was so much within it that I never even dreamed of, never even hoped for.
You never know what’s next:
I used to live life with such a set plan, I let go of so many expectations and started listening to my gut more. From a condo in Hawaii to launching a podcast, hiring a team to joining a mastermind, helping Drew retire from his career to a month of rest in sunny Maui. While I still think of what our baby might have been like every day or calculate how old baby Kutcher would be each month, I see the beauty in that breakdown. I see that loss as a means of really going after what we want our lives to be like. I see life given even in the taking.
Losing control isn’t always a bad thing:
I learned to loosen my grip of control, I chased after balance and not hustle, I pursued working from a place of rest, I hired a team, I launched 3 courses, I captured 16 weddings, and I celebrated life with the people I love most. This past year was easily the biggest game changer for us. It was a year of pursuing presence not perfection. We found ourselves looking ahead with anticipation but living in the present with peace. They say sometimes you need to have your world rocked in order to see what truly matters to you and I think that year 28 was all about prioritizing, protecting our hearts, and pursing peace. What a beautiful way to step on step closer to 30.
I’ve always known that growing older is a privilege. As we recently lost my grandma, I was reminded of living a full life. Seeing images from her childhood up through the last Christmas I spent with her, I saw her story – not being lived behind computer screens or phone screens, but being actively lived. What a reminder to get out and do the things you’ve been waiting for – and I plan to do JUST that before I turn 30.