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Welcome to the New Jenna Kutcher Blog!

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Welcome to the New Jenna Kutcher Blog!

I'm SO GlAD YOU'RE HERE

Welcome to the New Jenna Kutcher Blog!

I'm SO GlAD YOU'RE HERE

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What Miscarriage is Really Like

June 28, 2017

Today I am sharing some of the struggles we’ve been walking through recently with our second miscarriage and I’m just really opening up our story in the hopes that it will help other women feel less alone. My goal is to remove the veil and the taboo that follows the word miscarriage and what it means. Today I’m sharing our story and our plans for the future.

We lost another baby. This time was supposed to be different and yet it was eerily the same.
In the last year I have been pregnant for 20 weeks… that’s 5 months of growing babies, exhaustion, nausea, hope, fear, and yet here we stand with two angel babies and broken hearts.

This time was different. We saw a heartbeat, we started to believe the statistics were on our sides, we made plans. With every day that I stayed pregnant, our chance of loss grew dimmer, and yet at our 10 week ultrasound we were told once again, “there is no longer a heartbeat.”

I’m angry, confused, sad (so, so sad.) Last time I felt peace and purpose but this time I feel numb. I know miscarriage is hard to understand and not often discussed but I hope to continue to change that. You don’t HAVE to say anything, just love us through this. I never thought this would be our story, I’m clinging to the fact that there has to be more than this for us, there has to.

On Tuesday I’ll go in for another surgery to say goodbye to the baby that has been with me these last ten weeks. If you are blessed to be pregnant or have kiddos, give them an extra squeeze for me today in honor of our babe. You are truly, truly blessed.

I know that miscarriage is taboo, hard to understand, and a really uncomfortable conversation. It’s straight up awkward. I don’t share our stories of loss to make you feel uncomfortable, I share because our story is one of millions, I share because so many people sit alone in this, silent. I didn’t understand it until I walked it, now twice over.

We share so many good things, pretty things, easy things but it’s not fair to withhold the fact that life is hard and confusing and it straight up sucker punches you sometimes. We’ve lost two babies who we desperately wanted. I’m angry, really sad. I’m asking God why this is my story again and I’m scared of what our future will look like. I wish we could go back to the days when we didn’t desire kids and I KNOW there is hope but right now I need to just sit in this.

Last time I felt purpose, I felt like sharing our story was God’s calling for that little life and I felt like I was a faithful servant in that. Over the last year I’ve walked with hundreds of women going through miscarriage. This time I feel numb. Please just send us love and light and prayers. I never imagined our journey would be this but I am thankful to cling to him throughout the ride and trust in something bigger for us.

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  1. Sue Ringsdorf

    June 28th, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Hi Jenna. I just listened to your podcast, and wow. Your emotions were so raw and I felt all of them. When you cried, I cried – remembering my miscarriage 19 years ago this month like it was yesterday.

    We had infertility treatment with this baby (and the one after that) and were so joyful to be pregnant. I had been spotting so I went to the doc and they confirmed that everything was ok, and that it was alright for me to hop on a plane with my hubby (and 1 1/2 year old) to Minneapolis for his first marathon. Unfortunately, I continued to spot, and then started bleeding over the course of the weekend. My worst fears came true in the airport, about two hours before our flight home. I had the miscarriage in a bathroom of the airport, and I can only say, that the pure shock of it was what led me to board that plane home. I was very lucky I didn’t hemorrhage and suffer another emergency on our two hour plane ride. I was in deep deep despair over losing a child and I really had no idea how to cope, other than to cry.

    I mourned that baby for a long time. But I was lucky to be able to hug my little guy and my husband, and get back to fertility treatments a couple of months later. We had another little boy the very next year.

    I can completely relate to you, and I weep with you as you mourn – and continue down this path to create your little family. God IS good, and I will be praying for you and Drew, and the doctors who are treating you. God bless.

    ~Sue

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