Lately I will just sit and stare at Drew while we watch TV – sounds creepy right? But sometimes I just can’t get over the fact that another human being vowed to hang out with me (yoga pants and all) for the rest of our days. Marriage is a really cool, crazy, awe inspiring thing and I think that sometimes being so close to the wedding industry, we get caught up in the things that really don’t matter like dresses, shoes, and floral arrangements. Sure those things make for a beautiful wedding album but what about the moments? Those speak volumes over the burlap table runners you sewn together for your wedding day.  Let me be the first to admit: we do not have a perfect marriage, in fact, no one does (not even Beyonce and Jay-Z, gasp.) I never, ever want to put our relationship up on a pedestal because we are just as imperfect as the next couple and we certainly are no experts but I do think that there are a few things I wish someone would have shared with me before taking the plunge into marriage.

Let me go back a bit in case you are unfamiliar with our story. We met my freshman year of college in 2006, Drew thought I was from California because I was decked out in Abercrombie and UGG boots (be thankful I am not sharing a photo of this embarrassing fact.) We were the same double major and quickly realized that we had a few classes together. We both dated other people but became fast friends. Our friendship continued for the next three years (yes, three whole years.) We studied together, planned our schedules today, went to lunch together, had each others spare keys and didn’t go a day without talking – thanks to AOL Instant Messenger… yeah dkutch42 and I were always chatting. Once we were both single, we had a joke that we had to kiss just once before Drew graduated just to see what it would be like. Well, luckily it naturally happened without having to fulfill our bet but you better believe I would have gone in for the kill if he was in a cap and gown and about to leave me alone in Stevens Point.

Our relationship came easy because we already knew everything about each other, it was built on a friendship three years in the making and we didn’t have to go through that awkward dating scene (thank goodness.) After dating for two years (one year long distance) and asking my dad for permission, Drew proposed the day after I finished college and I moved to Madison to be closer to him. We were 22 and 23 when we got married which we now realize was pretty young but we had all of our ducks in a row and were ready. Now, over five years deep as a couple, we are still happy and in love and we still watch TV on the couch in sweatpants on Sunday afternoons. We do have a few rules though that we truly believe are important in a marriage and things that help us stay in love and happy – these things can be applied to any relationship and I wish I would have acknowledged their importance earlier on.

1.) Pray together: whether it’s over dinner or before bed, praying together is huge. Every night we say three things we are thankful for before falling asleep. We acknowledge the good in our lives and share what makes us feel blessed with one another. Putting Christ at the center of it all is something that brings us together and helps us lead a life of gratitude. Centering our lives on what is most important to us helps the petty things fade away. It is something that is pivotal in our marraige.

2.) Always go to bed together: I never realized that most couples don’t do this until recently. We have never gone to bed without the other person. I don’t know what it is but it’s just part of our routine to hit the hay together so that we have that time together before falling asleep. Most nights Drew falls asleep before I do and I am left to watch Food Network on my own, but I love the fact that we can fall asleep hand in hand together.

3.) Affirm one another daily: words of affirmation are a way that I both show and receive love (if you haven’t read the 5 love languages, you really should!) Sending a text message saying something you admire about the other person, a simple “I love you” or leaving notes around the house. Letting one another know that they are appreciated, loved, and admired can move mountains. Affirming one another your relationship is one of the best things you can do, do it daily. This also means no bad talking – if you are arguing, you don’t go out to all of your buddies and talk poorly about your spouse, just don’t.

4.) Support each others interests: when Drew and I took our pre-marital counseling course we answered every question the exact same (creepy, kind of.) One of the things our pastor encouraged us to do was to pursue things both together and separately. That kind of happened naturally when I joined CrossFit, Drew got into wine, and I became a photographer. It’s important to support one another in their interests! Drew always asks how my workout went, I go to his wine tasting events (and duh, I drink wine) and we try to encourage one another to pursue our passions. Part of our vows read: I will always encourage you to chase your dreams because through them your soul shines.

5.) Fight clean: this is the most important thing to us. If we are ever arguing or disagreeing about something we have a rule that we never hit below the belt with words. The thing about a marriage is you know everything about the other person: the good, the stuff that’s hard to deal with, the things that hurt. Being in a marriage means you know and accept these things and you vow to never use them against the other person. When we argue we keep it clean and never take it to that place where you intentionally try to hurt the other person – why would you do that to your best friend?

What is one hard and fast rule for your relationship? I’d love to hear what other couples do!

Photo Credit: Chloe of the amazing Life Tree Photography 

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More behind the scenes at the Kutcher home:

• homes: drew + jenna
• 730 Days
• 30
• Guitar Hero Nights