What To Do When Your Reality isn’t Pretty

Jenna Kutcher 

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August 7, 2014



Let’s face it – we are all attracted to beauty. Whether we are browsing magazines, shopping, sitting in a coffee shop, working out in the gym, we are all attracted to beauty. But what the heck do you do when the reality you are living in isn’t the prettiest. In todays hyper-social world, it’s easy to feel like you might be the only human whose life isn’t filled with perfectly crafted lattes, donuts with sprinkles, or homes that came out of Country Living. The truth is, no one lives like that 100% of the time, yet we are constantly bombarded with the idea that the rest of the world is out being fancy and sipping champagne while we are sitting in bed working into the wee hours of the morning. Guess what, guys? Life isn’t always pretty. In fact, I am writing this from bed in dirty workout clothes next to a pile of laundry and a drawer that is so full of junk it won’t close. Yeah, I said it, my life isn’t always pretty.

I was just talking to a sweet friend. On the internet it looks like her life is perfect: nights out with the girls, new shoes, days spent on the lake… but when I talked to her she said, “I feel like my life is falling apart.” Why do we do this to ourselves? Are we portraying the life we wish we lived all of the time? Are we happy fooling the world into thinking we are perfect? It’s funny, we constantly get lost. We make pretty Instagram pictures (because let’s be honest, making things pretty in the shape of a square isn’t all that hard to do) and we kid ourselves that we’ve got it together and we look like Beyonce when we wake up in the morning. First off, we might have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce but we sure as heck don’t have her entourage to make sure we are camera ready, toned, and beautified every day of our lives… Now that we’ve got that settled, let’s talk about our action plan. What do we do when our life looks messy? What about the days where nothing feels right and everything seems ugly? What do we share when we are embarrassed that we aren’t out there wearing the newest Jcrew clothes or are scared to admit that we haven’t showered in three days?

Be real. People are attracted to beauty but beyond that they are attracted to real people – the kind of people that make the feel like it’s okay that they just ate the entire box of macaroni and cheese and skipped yoga this morning. People are scared of the idea of perfection (rightfully so) and people are drawn to people who are authentic. You guys, I want to spoil your secret: I know your life isn’t perfect, I know it sometimes isn’t as pretty as you make it look on the inter webs, and guess what? I love you just the same, in fact, I love the messy parts of you more because they remind me that I am human and that it’s okay to just be. When you meet me, I will be the first to throw out my flaws, I want you to know that I probably haven’t colored my hair in six months and that I have a basket of folded clothes sitting in my closet because I am too lazy to put them away. I don’t want to the superficial connections that are easy to make. I want to connect on a level that binds us together in the fact that we don’t have all our ish together and that’s okay.

We are beautiful works in progress, share that. The more real we get, the more real the world will become and we will remove the veil that social media allows us to hide under on the daily. So what do you think? I think that life might not always be pretty but there is always some beauty in it – open your eyes to see that and share that piece of you. I promise you will attract the kind of people you want in your life and the others will fade off into the distance. 




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  1. Stephanie Mustafaraj says:

    This is beautiful. You are beautiful. I’m sure SO many people needed to hear this today, tomorrow and for the rest of their lives. I’m sending you a HUGE thank you sweet girl for reminding us that it is OK to be messy, it is OK to eat an entire box of mac & cheese (girlfriend, I do that’s so good with hot sauce). Life goes so much deeper that those perfectly orchestrated pictures on Instagram thank you for keeping it real, raw and always authentic. X’s & O’s

  2. Kelsey says:

    Jenna, you’re my favorite.

  3. Liz Greene says:

    Thank you so much Jenna for sharing these thoughts, I couldn’t agree more! I often beat myself up as more often than not, my reality doesn’t look like the images I see on Instagram. My home isn’t spotless, I don’t eat organic salads with a glass of Pinot every night. I have piles of clothes, dirty laundry, dishes in the sink and piles of paper on the table. We do the best we can and certain angles just aren’t that pretty! It’s so important to remember that the images we see on our feed are just one little piece, maybe a special nice and neat corner of someone’s lives. Photos can be fooling and we gotta stay real!

    And THANK YOU so much for addressing the Beyonce statement that drives me a bit nuts! Yes, we all have 24 hrs in a day but if I had a chef, personal trainer and made billions, I can guarantee certain things would be at least a bit easier for me 😉 That is just not a fair statement!

    Love that I’ve discovered your site and cheers to staying real 🙂


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A small town Minnesota photographer, podcaster, educator and puppy rescuer, my happiest days are spent behind my computer screen sharing my secrets with the world. I'm glad you're here.

I’m an expert at online marketing, a nerd when it comes to the numbers, and my obsession is teaching others how to make a living doing what they love (without it taking over their life). 

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