So much has changed in my world since the last Ask Jenna and Drew Anything.
We recorded it waaay back before Conley was born, and before we knew just how much that sweet little baby girl would shift everything we thought we knew about ourselves, about my business, and about how we do life together.
We’ve talked about everything from our first kiss to how we balance our roles as husband and wife on the show, but now Drew and I are in a new season with our daughter as a centerpiece of our lives, and I wanted to share how we’re feeling and what we’ve learned since day one of parenthood.
We’re answering your questions from Instagram and Facebook, and in true Kutcher form, we’re not holding back on this. I’m so excited to welcome my husband, Drew Kutcher, back to the show for another Ask Us Anything.
How Has it Changed Our Relationship
Madison asked what our relationship looks like now that we have Conley, and Drew explained very quickly that it really hasn’t changed our relationship at all. He may’ve rolled his eyes at me when I called him out for this answer… Because I feel like it HAS changed our relationship as a couple!
We were nervous about becoming parents before we really LOVE each other. Of course, couples love each other, but I mean I’m not afraid to admit that I was afraid to share Drew with another human because I enjoy my time with him so much.
But becoming parents has heightened the importance of everything. I can see now how you have to make your marriage a priority. It could be so easy to make the world revolve around Conley, but we need to make time for US, too. Now that Conley is going to bed a little earlier (before us!) we have more alone time to reconnect as a couple.
You asked, “What is one unexpected thing about parenting that you wish you knew before having Conley?”
For me, I wish I would’ve known just how amazing our intuition can be. I doubted that my intuition would know what to do and would know how to take care of her. What I learned in the first few months is that I don’t need to read a ton of parenting books, I don’t need to weigh myself down with research… I can just look at her and somehow my instincts know exactly what to do. I just really didn’t know if I would have true maternal instincts, but I know now that I absolutely do.
Drew said, “I didn’t know what to expect AT ALL.” He shared that he is learning to pick up on her certain cries and cues to know when she’s hungry or tired, but that it’s all been unexpected for him. “Every day is a new unexpected moment,” and I have to agree with that!
One thing I’ve noticed about Drew in this parenting role is his patience. Press play on the episode above to hear the moment that sticks out in my mind as a drew demonstration of Drew’s patience… Yes, it has to do with baby puke!
How Am I Doing?
A listener asked, “How are you doing mentally? The first year was so hard and not enough people ask how mom is doing.”
I struggle answering this because I truly feel a joy like I’ve never felt. I feel a naturalness that I never expected. And it’s hard for me to talk about, because I know so many people have a hard first year. But we have enjoyed every single moment.
I think the three year fertility struggle, the questioning if this would ever happen for us, the challenges to becoming parents have just lead us to savor every moment in an entirely new way. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s a lot easier for me than I thought it would be.
Maybe my mental state was preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. I was worried about postpartum depression and hormones crashing and all the things people warned me about… But none of that happened for me.
It’s hard for me to share that joy because I expect people to accuse me of glazing over the hard moments or ignoring the tough details, but I feel like we have a whole different perspective with loss as our greatest teacher.
I need to recognize my privilege here, too. I have a supportive partner. We have the ability to take time off to be with each other. We have the support and finances to do things that make this experience “easier” than it is for others. I know this.
To answer the question in summary: I’m feeling more joyful, more driven as a businesswoman than I ever expected.
So Drew chimed in on this question, totally blowing my cover and revealing something that might gross you out… I’ve been taking placenta capsules. Tune in to hear why and what it’s doing for me.
Stay at Home Dad Life
You asked, “How is Drew doing in his new stay at home dad role, and what is he finding to be the best and hardest parts?”
Drew is VERY routinized and loves having structure in our day. I’ll admit, this has been a hard part about navigating our roles as parents. During maternity leave I was working an hour here and there (because I wanted to!) so our schedule looked a certain way for a few months. Once I was off maternity leave and needed a few full days of focused work, our routine shifted again.
What it comes down to is that I need time to work and Drew needs a schedule to rely on, but then I hear the baby cry from the other room and I’m inclined to pop in, feed her, and two hours later I realize I need to get back to work.
We’re learning how to navigate this, but we both agree it’ll be easier to find a routine once she’s not breastfeeding anymore. Which, by the way, I enjoy breastfeeding way more than I ever thought I would.
“Being a stay at home dad is the best role I ever could’ve asked for,” Drew said, “But I really need to un-routinize to help the team out a little bit!”
Baby and Business
“Are you more or less business motivated now that you have a baby?”
Definitely more. Motherhood is definitely my priority, but I am SO excited and even more driven to work on my business. I have an energy these days where work is so exciting to me, and what a gift it is to wake up in the morning and WANT to get to work on a project.
Having a baby empowered me in an entirely new way in that I am leveling up in so many areas, and I’m fearless. I want Conley to grow up seeing me work. I want her to see me, her mom, doing all these things — I want her to see what’s possible.
I’ve don’t more in the last two months of Conley’s life than I did all of last year. I’m working smarter, I’m fiercely protecting our time and ensuring that when I am away, Drew and Conley can come with me, or I’m doing as much as possible in our time apart so when I return home we can spend time together.
More from This Episode
We talk about our dreams and whose dreams comes first, what our sleep looks like with baby, the biggest parenting pet peeves we have, and our messages for Conley when she listens to this in the future. Tune in to hear the full episode with Mr. Drew Kutcher.