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Have you ever felt trapped by patterns like self-judgment, people-pleasing, or even outright burnout? If so, today’s conversation is going to be your lifeline.
Gabby Bernstein is a motivational speaker, spiritual leader, and best-selling author. Companies like Google, Pinterest and Goldman Sachs have all invited her to share her personal growth methods and manifesting practices with thousands of employees.
She even co-hosted the Guinness World Records’ largest guided meditation with Deepak Chopra and was named as one of Oprah’s “SuperSoul 100”!
In Gabby’s brand new book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life, she introduces us to Internal Family Systems therapy—a revolutionary practice that’s not just for the therapist’s office anymore.
In our conversation, she shares how she turned this powerful tool into a step-by-step process anyone can use to radically shift core beliefs, heal emotional wounds, and connect to what she calls the ultimate inner guidance system: the energy of Self.
Tune in to learn how you can unlock this incredible resource within yourself, tackle the patterns holding you back, and find relief anytime, anywhere.
This is more than self-help—it’s self-liberation!
The Biggest Misconception About Self-Help
We kicked off our conversation by addressing a common misconception about self-help: that it’s hard. Gabby pointed out that many people often say they don’t have time for personal development or that it feels too challenging. Her response? “Do you have time to feel like shit?”
This question really struck a chord with me. Gabby emphasized that while there is a level of commitment required for personal growth, the struggle of not engaging in self-help is often far greater.
She introduced the idea of “choose your hard.” Healing can be difficult, but so can living without it. Gabby shared a personal story about a family member who recently started therapy and found it to be much harder than expected.
However, she reminds us that not healing is also hard, and it’s essential to recognize that the work we put into our inner experiences is worth it.
Understanding Internal Family Systems Therapy
One of the most fascinating parts of our discussion was Gabby’s introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a method that has profoundly impacted her life. She explained that IFS is a non-pathologizing approach that views our internal parts as aspects of ourselves that need healing.
Gabby described how we often have parts of ourselves that react in habitual ways—like feeling outraged when things don’t go our way or wanting to escape through binge-watching shows.
These parts are often rooted in our childhood experiences and can manifest as patterns of behavior that hold us back.
Instead of analyzing our past, IFS focuses on healing these younger parts of ourselves, treating them with the compassion and care they may not have received in childhood. Gabby’s passion for this therapy is evident, and she has taken her training in IFS to create a self-help practice that anyone can access.
The Four-Step Check-In Process
Gabby shared a simple yet powerful four-step process that anyone can use to connect with their inner selves and begin the healing journey. Here’s a breakdown of the steps:
- Check In: Instead of checking out when faced with undesirable feelings or behaviors, take a moment to check in with yourself. Acknowledge what you’re feeling and recognize the patterns that are running your life.
- Get Curious: Once you’ve identified a pattern or behavior, become curious about it. Ask yourself questions like, “How long have you been around?” and “What do I know about this part of me?” This step encourages you to explore the feelings and sensations associated with that part.
- Compassionately Connect: After you’ve established a connection with that part of yourself, ask it what it needs. This could be anything from rest to fun or even asking for help. This step is about nurturing that inner child and giving it the attention it deserves.
- Check In Again: Finally, check in with yourself to see how you feel after going through the first three steps. Notice if you feel calmer, more connected, or if any new insights have emerged. This step helps you reconnect with your true self, which Gabby describes as the “God within you.”
The Importance of Slowing Down
As we continued our conversation, Gabby highlighted the importance of slowing down to notice our feelings and patterns. In today’s fast-paced world, many of us are constantly on the go, often avoiding our inner experiences.
Gabby pointed out that this detachment can lead to a lack of awareness about our true selves.
She encouraged listeners to take a moment to reflect on their lives and consider whether they are living authentically. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, but when we take the time to check in with ourselves, we can begin to heal and grow.
Using Our Children as Mirrors
One of the most poignant parts of our discussion was when Gabby talked about how our children can serve as mirrors for our own inner work.
As a mother, I resonated deeply with her insights. Gabby shared a story about her son and how his experiences in childhood reflected her own unresolved issues. She emphasized that our children often bring to light the parts of ourselves that need healing.
By recognizing these patterns, we can not only help ourselves but also provide our children with the tools they need to navigate their own emotional landscapes. Gabby believes that by doing this work, we can save our children thousands of hours of therapy in the future.
The Role of Self in Healing
Throughout our conversation, Gabby emphasized the concept of “self” as an essential part of the healing process. She described self as the inner guidance system that embodies qualities like love, connection, curiosity, and compassion.
When we connect with our true selves, we can access a state of being that is calm, clear, and courageous. Gabby explained that the more we practice the four-step process, the more we can tap into this self-energy. This connection allows us to become more magnetic and attract the things we desire in life.
The Challenge of High Achievers
As we wrapped up our conversation, I couldn’t help but reflect on how many of us, especially high-achieving women, struggle with the pressure to perform and succeed.
Gabby pointed out that many of us have been praised for our productivity and achievements, which can make it difficult to recognize when those traits become protection mechanisms.
She encouraged listeners to examine their motivations and consider whether their drive for success is rooted in a desire for validation or if it truly aligns with their authentic selves. This inquiry can be challenging, but it’s a crucial step in the journey toward self-discovery and healing.
Practical Steps for YOU!
Before we concluded, Gabby shared some practical steps for listeners to take right away. Here are three actionable items you can consider:
- Identify Patterns: Take a moment to write down five or six undesirable patterns, behaviors, or beliefs that are holding you back. Reflect on how these patterns have impacted your life.
- Ask Yourself: After identifying these patterns, ask yourself if you are willing to heal them. This willingness is the first step toward transformation.
- Grab the Book: If you feel called to dive deeper into this work, Gabby encouraged listeners to grab her book, Self-Help: This is Your Chance to Change Your Life. It’s a practical guide that lays out the four-step process in detail, making it accessible for anyone looking to embark on their healing journey.
Embracing the Journey
As I reflected on my conversation with Gabby, I felt a renewed sense of hope and excitement about the journey of self-help and personal growth. Gabby’s insights remind us that healing is not only possible but also essential for living a fulfilling life.
By embracing our inner selves, recognizing our patterns, and practicing compassion, we can begin to unravel the layers that have held us back for so long. Gabby’s work serves as a powerful reminder that we all have the capacity to change our lives and create the future we desire.
I encourage you to take the time to explore your own inner landscape, connect with your true self, and embrace the journey of healing. Remember, you are not alone in this process, and there are resources available to support you every step of the way.
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