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How many times have you set a big goal, only to feel overwhelmed or like it was impossible to keep up with? Or maybe you’ve just given up altogether because it felt too much?
I’ve been there, too. For years, I set really giant goals and felt overwhelmed by figuring out even the first step towards them! Or worse, I’d set a goal and try to make it all happen at once – spoiler: life doesn’t work that way and goal setting that way isn’t effective. I’ve learned that approach didn’t work—especially when life got busy and boy has it gotten busy.
We all know that by February, most resolutions are already out the window, right? And while we all want to make this year our best yet, it’s time for a new way of doing things. We need an approach that helps us reach our goals without crushing the life out of them.
Today, we’re adding some fresh takes to the strategies you’ve tried in the past—and throwing in some hot takes on how to approach goal-setting in a way that actually works for real life. No overwhelm, no burnout—just sustainable success that feels good and actually sticks!
1. Embrace “Goal Relinquishment” Over “Goal Setting”
First and foremost, I want to introduce the concept of goal relinquishment. This idea encourages us to let go of the rigid structures that often accompany traditional goal setting.
For years, I was a fan of SMART goals—specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. I could recite that acronym in my sleep! While I still believe in the power of SMART goals, my experience as a mom taught me that life can be unpredictable.
When I became a mother, I had to learn to hold my goals a little looser. I realized that the path to achieving my goals might not be as straightforward as I once thought. This was a lesson in surrender. I began to choose a word of the year, and the year I became a mom, my word was “surrender.” I had to let go of the old, rigid way of doing things and allow for more flexibility and spontaneity.
So, what if we flipped the conversation around goal setting? What if we questioned whether setting specific goals is even the best path for us? Studies in psychology suggest that letting go of rigid goals and embracing spontaneity can unlock deeper creativity and success. I’ve experienced this firsthand. The more I loosen my grip on my goals, the more creatively I can navigate my path, leading to a more fulfilling experience.
Instead of fixating on one specific outcome, consider focusing on the exploration of your goals. Think of goal relinquishment as allowing yourself the flexibility to follow new paths that align with your evolving desires. Life changes so much in a year, and if we start the year with rigid goals, we might miss out on opportunities that bring us joy and fulfillment.
2. Focus on the “Process” Over the “Outcome”
The second idea I want to share is to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Many of my friends have written incredible books, and I’ve noticed that a lot of them found the process to be excruciating. They ended up burnt out and overwhelmed, which made me question why anyone would want to write a book.
When I decided to write my own book, I made a conscious choice to enjoy the process. Yes, I wanted to hit the New York Times bestseller list, but I also wanted to savor every moment of writing, editing, and launching. And guess what? I loved every part of it!
Traditional goal setting often emphasizes the end result, but research shows that focusing solely on outcomes can lead to burnout and frustration. Instead, let’s celebrate the process. Neuroscience tells us that dopamine—the motivation chemical—is more active when we focus on the journey rather than the destination.
What if we shifted our narrative from goal completion to celebrating the ongoing process?
By reframing our goals as a series of successful habits, we can find joy in the small actions we take every day. I remember when I first hit six figures in my business; I took a shower that day and thought, “Is this it?” The traditional goal-setting approach can leave us feeling unfulfilled when we finally achieve what we thought we wanted.
By focusing on the process, we can enjoy the journey and stay aligned with our goals. This shift allows us to celebrate our progress and recognize that the small actions we take every day are wins in themselves.
3. Gamify Your Goals with “Internal Rewards”
This concept might sound a bit nerdy, but it’s incredibly effective. In my business, I’ve been exploring ways to stay creative without constantly reinventing the wheel. One of the projects we took on was analyzing which of our freebies were responsible for the most opt-ins.
What I discovered was that I enjoyed the process of optimizing and strategizing. I found joy in tracking results and seeing how everything lined up to create significant changes in my business. This is where internal rewards come into play.
We often think of external rewards—like money or social media recognition—but internal rewards, such as feelings of competence, autonomy, and mastery, are far more powerful for long-term motivation. If you struggle with follow-through, consider whether you’re focusing too much on external validation.
Research on intrinsic motivation suggests that when you tie your goals to personal growth and mastery, the pursuit becomes more sustainable. Forget the carrot-and-stick approach that leaves us chasing external validation. Instead, create a personal reward system tied to your internal satisfaction.
Imagine going to bed at the end of the day feeling accomplished because you made meaningful progress. Track your wins based on how much you’ve learned or how confident you feel, rather than just whether you hit a specific number. This shift allows us to cultivate lasting motivation that keeps us consistent, even when external applause fades away.
4. Reframe Setbacks as “Creative Breaks”
As we enter a new year, many of us may find ourselves revisiting our goals from the previous year and feeling disappointed. Setbacks are a natural part of life, but we often view them as failures to be avoided.
What if we could embrace setbacks as opportunities for creativity? Dr. Sheryl Sandberg, in her book Option B, discusses how setbacks can allow us to pause, reflect, and explore new angles that ultimately improve our success. Failure isn’t linear; it’s iterative.
When we experience setbacks, we often miss opportunities to experiment and innovate because we fear failure. However, I’ve noticed that some of my best ideas come from moments when I’ve had to pause or recalibrate.
Every setback can be seen as a sign that your brain is recalibrating for something greater.
Treat these moments as breaks in the creative process. They can provide valuable insights, data, and the chance to recharge for a more powerful comeback.
As we move through this year, let’s shift our perspective on failure and see it as a part of our growth journey. Remember, nobody is posting their failures on social media; we only see the highlight reels! The most successful entrepreneurs are the ones who embrace setbacks as opportunities for growth.
5. The “Minimum Viable Goal” (MVG) Framework
Many of us are familiar with the concept of the Minimum Viable Product (MVP) in business, which encourages us to create a version of a product that works and then iterate based on feedback.
What if we applied this same idea to our goals? Instead of setting massive, perfect goals that feel overwhelming, we can set a minimum viable goal—something so small that it’s almost impossible not to achieve. This approach helps us build momentum and establish habits.
For example, I’ve been on a health journey, and for years, I struggled to prioritize my well-being. The idea of feeling vibrant felt impossible, and I often found myself paralyzed by the enormity of the task. But after having my second baby, I realized I needed to focus on how I wanted to feel rather than how I wanted to look.
By adopting the MVG framework, I started with tiny, non-negotiable habits—like taking my supplements, drinking water first thing in the morning, and walking on the treadmill while on a call. These small wins added up over time, and I began to identify as a person who makes healthy choices.
The beauty of this approach is that it allows us to celebrate our progress and build momentum. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by grand goals, we can focus on small, achievable steps that lead to significant long-term results.
6. Leverage the “Goal-Setting Paradox”: Focus on What You Can’t Control
Finally, let’s discuss the goal-setting paradox: focusing on what we can’t control. It may sound counterintuitive, but research shows that the more we focus on goals we cannot control—like growing a business or getting a promotion—the more likely we are to succeed.
When we concentrate on controllable inputs—such as our consistent effort, attitude, and daily habits—without obsessing over the outcome, we often achieve better results.
This shift in focus allows us to let go of the pressure to control every variable and instead concentrate on what truly matters.
In my own business, I’ve learned to embrace this approach. While we have data and forecasts to guide us, I’ve found that loosening my grip on the things I cannot control has given me more freedom and creativity. By focusing on our efforts and consistency, we can create sustainable paths to long-term results.
As we enter this new year, let’s prioritize our effort, consistency, and mindset. Instead of obsessing over external outcomes, let’s shift our focus to the actions we can control. This perspective allows us to create a more fulfilling and sustainable approach to goal setting.
Final Thoughts
I hope today’s episode gave you some fresh perspectives and inspired you to approach your goals in a way that feels good and actually works.
To recap, my six hot takes on goal setting are:
- Embrace goal relinquishment over goal setting.
- Focus on the process more than the outcome.
- Gamify your goals with internal rewards.
- Reframe setbacks as creative breaks.
- Adopt the Minimum Viable Goal framework.
- Leverage the goal-setting paradox by focusing on what you can control.
Let’s make this year one of growth, creativity, and fulfillment!
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