We get asked all of the time when the whole “kid” thing will happen, truth be told, I have two kids already – three, if you count Drew… actually, I take that back, I am more of a kid than he is. My kids just have four legs, longer snouts, and a lot of white fur (and dip dyed butts!) Truth be told, that desire to be a mom is no where on my heart – in fact, the thought of it terrifies me. At least once a day I think up a reason why I shouldn’t have a child: I can barely clean up after myself, I love taking naps, I can’t discipline to save my life… the list goes on and on. It’s so funny because this whole “American Dream” of growing up, getting a degree, landing a job, marrying your soul mate, buying a home, adopting a dog, and then starting the kid bandwagon is something that makes me laugh… I mean, isn’t the American Dream to follow your dreams?
I get that some people were born to be parents, in fact, a ton of people I know are those people (and my friends.) If I’m being honest, I totally thought I would be one of them. I babysat when I was a kid, was a nanny for a summer, took care of my little sister, and am a notorious baby holder. I am natural with children, love to give them kisses and think they are cute – most of the time. Once Drew and I got married and the reality that we could start a family was actually real, I realized there’s a lot of life I want to live before (and if) we decide we want to start a family of Kutchers. I mean, at least if the time comes my kid will have great food (did you know I eat macaroni at least once a week…. and don’t even get me started about grilled cheese sandwiches.)
The other day I got so mad at little Tuck. He is the cutest little boy, but my goodness, he can be naughty sometimes. I try to set ground rules (as much as that is even possible with 10lb dogs) but I am a total sucker for their tail wags and smiles – yes, our dogs smile… they look like the dogs on the Dentastix commercials. Over the last year we have worked with him on breaking his bad habits that he acquired in his poor little life before he came to us. He had lifted his leg somewhere in the house and I had just had it. I yelled, he shook, ran to his crate where he shut himself in and I couldn’t bring myself to lock the door. He looked so sad and so instead, I sat on the floor as he climbed out of the crate and into my lap and covered me in kisses. I couldn’t help but let the madness melt away as I scrubbed the floor and looked at him hiding under the table… seriously, how could I ever discipline something I love so much. Proof I am not ready for that whole parenting gig (also, did I mention, I love naps?)
The truth is, I want to put it out there that the American Dream might look different for everyone. It’s not right or wrong, it’s not set in stone, and it’s something that only you can decide (with your spouse and family.) Some people may be painfully struggling to start a family while others know that it just isn’t in the cards for them at the moment. I want to travel, to chase this photography thing, to sleep in, to do life as I please for awhile longer. (Don’t even get me started on the fact that I book my life out two years in advance… the logistics of that is mind boggling, at best.) I want to try out being an aunt, thank you to my brother and sister-in-law for making that happen soon – sorry mom, but we aren’t helping with the grandma thing for now… I always knew Joe was the best kid. I want to come and go as I please and take care of myself – oh, and learn how to cook actual meals. (I’m selfish and I know that, that’s one bonus to being self aware.) For my friends who are parents, I bow down to you. I don’t know how you do it but you are all excellent and way beyond the realm of things I can’t even give due credit to. While I sit on the couch with my fur babies in my lap, I know that this is right. My life is where I want it to be and I am not saying never, I’m just saying not now. Hello, I am only 25 years old… maybe when I am 30. Okay? Friends, let’s just be happy my dogs walk on four legs and can’t talk because they would probably reaffirm the fact that I should wait a few more years before even entertaining that whole motherhood thing.
Don’t you dare think about leaving me, there’s so much more for you to read:
Right there with you.
You can be play mom with little Jenna…and when she gets sassy you can just send her home! I must say you are great with kids though!!!
I am 33 (married 7 yrs) and still hemming and hawing about children. It is hard for me to determine if I truly want them, or if I feel obligated to have them because the majority of people I know have them (and my sister/parents/in-laws/friends have made it clear that they would like me to). At the end of the day, it is your choice, and I value the same things you do: sleeping, freedom, traveling. I am sure the trade off is worth it, but that is something that doesn’t keep me up at night! The when/if questioning has mostly stopped, except now it has become concern: “did you know your risks go up as you get older?” Um, yes I know that…ha!
Amen sister.
take your time, sister. i have been in your shoes. it got pushed back from 25 to 28 and then now 30 and hubby + i are not even anywhere close to being ready. but we are taking our time, enjoying each other, traveling, growing business and people stop asking after awhile. i enjoyed capturing the growing family of our couples now and i wont change a thing. i am an aunt to so many cute babes 🙂 always love reading your posts, jenna. you are really gifted!
AMEN girlie. At 32 and 35, my hubby & I are sure of our decision not to have kids. It took a while for our families to accept the idea, but eventually the questioning stopped and everyone understood our decision. The most annoying thing we had to listen to was “oh don’t WORRY, you’ve got plenty of time to change your mind!” Luckily it’s been a while since I heard that one! 🙂
We are also fur-baby parents and while no, it’s not the same (I mean, we can crate our children for a little while instead of hiring a babysitter, right?!), it is indeed something that fills our need to care for lives other than our own. And we adore being auntie & uncle, too! Cheers to fur-baby mamas!
Thank you for saying everything I have always wanted to say. I’ve been married 5 years and I do not want children. And I hate how I am made to feel guilty about it. Like once married us ladies are just supposed to accept our fate and have a bus load because that’s what everyone else does or expects. So, thank you for being our voice. I would love it is Ladies without children could have as much support and as much community as new mommies do. It’s like we are excluded from the club because we are selfish. Oh well, like you said, we get to take naps 🙂
Testify!!
First of all, I just found your blog recently and I love it! Secondly, I’m in the “not sure if I will actually have kids” boat. My husband and I love kids, but don’t think we’ll have our own. I always get the weirdest reactions when it comes out that we don’t plan on having kids(unless that changes down the road), but that’s ok, we all have different goals and dreams. 🙂
My heart feels so full! Good for you gorgeous lady for sharing this! As a fur baby mom, and a recent wife I can totally feel with ya! I get asked that question so often (like every single day) and most times I just want to scream “I STILL HAVE TO SEE PARIS”. I think everyone’s own personal dreams are what’s normal and truth be told this is more common nowadays for us woman to have other goals and aspirations instead of giving up naps right away (I honestly told my husband if we ever have kids he is signing a contract that I get one nap a day). Be the strong woman you are, and even though I’m sure you’d be an amazing loving mother, find what makes you the most kind of happy. So much love.
I’m all for people not having kids if they don’t want to! Do you thing and don’t apologize. It’s no one’s business but yours. That said…just remember not to tell little kids stuff and not do it – even at age 3, they remember and get super angry when you don’t! I have some sweet video of Sophie tromping through the snow towards your house totally pissed off that you didn’t come out to go sledding in 5 minutes like you said. 🙂
Well said!! I really never had the desire (maybe teaching 5 year olds did it, lol), but I hate when I let myself feel like Matt and I are being selfish with our decision because of what society thinks is right. I’m sure we would be great, well, maybe at parenting, but we do like the way we live and love our four-legged kids like crazy!
Holy crap I’m at the same place you are!