Have you ever had a person in your life who you are afraid to share your joy because you are afraid of what they will think? Do you ever stifle the good that’s happening so as to not offend someone else? I do… all of the time. I am so afraid of offending or stepping on toes or making someone feel insignificant and so I usually hide behind surface conversations with people that I don’t know all too well and I hide the good, bad, and ugly that I am afraid they will judge me for. It’s easy to joke about yoga pants and macaroni but at the end of the day, how often do you talk about the fear of failing or not feeling “enough” or wishing you could really just lose those last ten pounds? If you want to see me squirm, start talking about my accomplishments. I clam up, get awkward, stare at the ground, and change the subject faster than a speeding bullet. I’m so quick to downplay things, talk bad about myself, or bring up the fact that most days I don’t shower… but why do we do this? What’s with all of this negative self talk? Why are we the last ones to believe in ourselves? We weren’t meant to walk this life alone, this I know for sure.
I’ve been learning and exploring and thinking so much this year, I swear my brain never stops running and to be honest, I’m sick of stifling our joy and the joy of others when we have an opportunity to celebrate together. Life is meant to be shared, celebrated, so why don’t we ask those defining questions when given the chance? Why don’t we give others the opportunity to share their milestones with the promise that we will be along side of them with some confetti and a bottle of wine? How much more fun could we had if we were able to share the good with one another under the understanding that their successes are not my failures and vice versa. I was with one of my dearest friends the other day and we were catching on life. Our lives look incredibly different, she has a cute kiddo, moved back to the city where her family is, and is balancing work and motherhood while adjusting to her new home. I work from home, hang out with my dogs, chase dreams in yoga pants, and generally only leave the house to work out in the morning. While we are two peas in a pod, we are so incredibly different and that’s what’s so exciting about our friendship.
As we started to catch up, we went through the normal questions about life: how is work, how is the kid/dogs, how was your recent trip… you know, those questions that you feel are mandatory before you really dive headfirst into the real stuff. We caught up, talked about the things we knew were happening for one another, and then I realized that we needed to get down to the nitty gritty. What are you dreaming about? How are you struggling? What are you proud of? I mean, why do we avoid those real questions and stick to the surface? Why are we afraid to ask about the good, bad, and ugly with the people we care about? Of course it’s super easy to talk about the usual but how do we learn and grown and evolve? Something tells me it isn’t in stifling our joy or hiding our struggle, something tells me we stretch ourselves more when we open up and celebrate the whole process of life and living together. I am so thankful for friends that allow me to talk real talk, to share the weird things that consume my mind, that walk through the struggles with me and celebrate the victories, for real, they make my world go round (and aren’t afraid to chat over a beer… or three.)
Next time you are given the opportunity to ask a real question, do it. Ask your friend what they are working towards or dreaming of, what they are most passionate about or what has been a struggle for them. Get down to business, lighten their load, celebrate the victories, and do life together. We rise in lifting others, friends, take the opportunity to lift up the people you love most and promise to laugh, cry, and drink some wine with them when they need it. Let this be the year of intention, this is our year.
