I’ve always felt out of it, left out, not part of the cool kids club when people can proclaim boldly what their “call” in life is. I’ve wondered if maybe I have been sitting with ear plugs in or letting my restlessness hinder my ability to hear the “call.” I’ve prayed and prayed for a lightning bolt to come down and strike the ground and to hear the call (loud and clear) from God saying, “This is my plan for you, this is your call, this is why you are here.” I thought maybe I wasn’t a faithful enough servant or a good enough meditator or even just a good listener (I’ve always wanted to get the last word in!) The truth? I often feel restless, flighty, not too sure of what it is I am meant to do… but here’s the thing, I am doing it, whatever “it” may be, because I am alive, I am here.
I’ve spent my week at the Illume Retreat in Austin, Texas and when I think of this time, I knew my soul needed it. I told Drew, I have to go. I prepped my heart the best you can when you know you are about to cry your eyes out (just to cry them out) and be with people who just “get it.” Drew asked me why I would cry and I said: because I will be surrounded by people who really get “it.” The people who work their booties off, who hustle behind their laptops, who live in yoga pants, who show up every day to make their dreams happen. I knew that my heart and brain and life needed to be filled in a way that I couldn’t fill myself from behind this very computer screen on the couch in our attic space.
Sometimes I think it is less of a “call” and more of a whisper. It isn’t this “come to Jesus” moment but more of this desire to feel fulfilled and alive. It’s those moments when you feel this tug to go one way instead of the other. It’s that thought or dream that keeps popping into your head. It’s those little urges that lead you in a way of feeling drained and depleted or alive and excited. Instead of going out and waiting for that call, thinking our life will begin when we know the “why” behind our existence, why don’t we get out and live and listen to the whispers, pay attention to the tugs, and follow the urges? Looking back, all of those little things are the big things in life. I want my days and weeks to be filled with those little whispers that guide my life, the life that I am actively living and the story that will become my legacy. This is the time to answer the call, even if my phone isn’t ringing.
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I can so totally relate Jenna and I love how you wrote about this subject. Thank you <3
This is so true especially when we have so many demands pulling at us. Staying in tune to God’s whispers is so necessary and can be so hard at times. thanks for reminding how important it is to respond to the call.