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Anna Malaika Tubbs is a two-time New York Times bestselling author and a leading voice in gender, race, and equity. Her newest book Erased: What American Patriarchy Has Hidden From Us is a wake-up call, one that challenges us to rethink everything from who gets remembered to who gets rewarded.
I met Anna recently at a retreat hosted by Onsite in Tennessee and she was magnetic. The best part about meeting her is I had no idea what she did for a career and didn’t learn about her books until the very last day. Once I heard what she was writing about, I knew she would make the perfect guest for this show.
Anna pulls back the curtain on the narratives that have quietly shaped how we see ourselves, our businesses, and our worth. What sets her apart is her ability to take complex systems and translate them into powerful stories that reveal what’s been buried and show us how to reclaim what’s ours. And trust me, you’ll never see patriarchy, power, or your own story the same way again.
So if you’ve ever felt like the rules of success weren’t written for you, if you’ve struggled with visibility or making space for your full self in your business, if you’ve been playing small because it felt safer than being too much, this conversation is for you.
You Were Never the Problem: How the System Taught Women to Shrink
So many women walk through life believing they’re “too loud,” “too bold,” or “too visible,” not realizing those messages were engineered to keep them small. As Anna explains, from childhood we’ve been taught to fit inside boxes that were designed long before we were born.
These messages weren’t innocent. They were strategic tools of control; ways to shape girls into women who would stay quiet, compliant, and dependent.
And here’s the heartbreaking part: shrinking feels safe because it’s familiar. When a message is repeated through culture, family, media, and institutions, we start to believe the discomfort we feel is a flaw within us, instead of a signal that the box itself was never meant to fit the fullness of who we are.
Once you understand that shrinking isn’t your personality, it’s conditioning you finally get to choose something different.
The Motherhood Penalty Isn’t Personal, It’s Historical and Structural
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was hearing Anna trace the history behind why modern mothers feel like they’re constantly failing. She explains that centuries-old policies intentionally pushed women out of the workforce the moment they married or had children.
Marriage bars banned married women from teaching, and workplaces punished and excluded mothers long before the modern workplace even existed.
And yet today, women internalize those struggles as personal shortcomings:
- Why can’t I balance both?
- Why does it feel like I’m always falling behind?
- Why is it this hard for me?
But the truth is, it’s not you. It’s the leftovers of a system that expected women to reproduce male power, not lead with their own. It’s a system that built motherhood into a trap instead of an honored role.
It’s a system that still makes women hide the help they rely on, feel shame for needing childcare, or rush back to work because they’re afraid of being replaced.
When you see the historical roots of these pressures, everything clicks. You realize you’re not unprepared—you’re unsupported. And that alone is a radical shift.
Visibility Isn’t Dangerous, It Only Feels That Way Because We Were Taught to Hide
One thing Anna said that stopped me in my tracks was this: women have been socialized to believe that being visible is risky, when in fact, visibility is one of our greatest sources of power. But it has never felt safe because we’ve never been taught to trust it.
She explains that patriarchy depends on invisibility. It depends on women keeping themselves small, softening their accomplishments, and staying in the background. It depends on us believing that stepping forward will invite danger, scrutiny, or criticism… and that self-erasure is noble, humble, or protective .
But the women who’ve shaped our world most profoundly, including the mothers of MLK Jr., Malcolm X, and James Baldwin were leaders long before anyone gave them credit.
They were teachers, activists, writers, strategists… and yet they were edited out of history because their visibility would have shattered the very narrative patriarchy was trying to uphold.
When you understand that pattern, you can stop telling your own story in whispers.
Erasure Is Not Accidental, And Reclaiming Your Story Is Revolutionary
Anna’s powerful discussion on erasure, especially around mothers reveals one of the most striking truths of this episode: erasure isn’t passive. It’s strategic. And reclaiming your story is one of the most radical acts of resistance you can make in your business, your motherhood, your leadership, and your life.
She explains that to maintain the illusion that men were the default leaders, thinkers, and revolutionaries, history books excluded the women who shaped them. This wasn’t an oversight. It was a tactic. If women saw examples of mothers leading movements, building communities, or shaping history, they would realize they could do the same .
This is why so many women feel guilty for wanting visibility, feel unsure about claiming their success, or feel more comfortable behind the scenes. We’ve been taught that disappearing is virtuous.
But disappearing only serves systems that would prefer we stay quiet. Telling the truth about who we are, what we’ve contributed, and what we’re capable of is how those systems begin to crumble.
A New Kind of Power: Why Collectivity Is the Antidote to Patriarchy
One of the biggest shifts Anna is calling us into is this: power doesn’t have to look like domination, hierarchy, or self-protection. That’s just the version we were taught because it benefitted a small group of people.
In reality, the kind of power women naturally hold, interconnected, relational, community-centered is the kind of power that actually moves society forward. And the data supports this: when women have access to wealth, we reinvest it back into our communities, our families, our neighborhoods, and each other.
Anna explains that the most dangerous myth we’ve inherited is that power belongs to individuals. In truth, it belongs to collectives. It grows when shared. It multiplies when we link arms. It strengthens when we build villages instead of silos.
This means your business grows faster when you stop doing everything alone. Your leadership expands when you soften instead of harden. Your impact increases when you prioritize community over competition. And your world becomes richer when you reject the idea that you were meant to be self-sufficient, invisible, or silent.
Where We Go From Here: The Small Shifts That Lead to Structural Change
The most hopeful part of this episode is Anna’s reminder that change doesn’t start in Congress, in courtrooms, or on the national stage. It starts in our homes, our relationships, our neighborhoods, and our communities.
She breaks it down into levels: first healing the internal beliefs we’ve inherited, then shifting how we show up in our relationships, then creating community support systems, and finally advocating for national change. And the beauty is: you don’t have to fix the entire system. You just have to play your part.
Whether you’re raising children differently, leading your team differently, supporting local efforts, advocating for childcare, showing up for your neighbors, or simply choosing to take up more space, every piece matters. Change happens when everyday people make everyday moves that reflect a different vision of what power can look like.
And that’s exactly what this conversation invites us to do.
Please go support Anna. Follow her on Instagram, read Erased, share her work with your children and introduce it to your communities. And if you know someone who would benefit from this conversation, be the incredible friend I know you are and send it their way!
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