Wow, hitting “publish” on these episodes always make me feel a little nervous (…and so stinkin’ vulnerable). But I think the internet needs more real, more raw, and I’m going to do my best to fill that void.

From our fertility journey, the real truth behind our finances, (um, also, my hygiene habits), one of the hardest parts of our marriage, andddd…. that last one that feels rather scary to type. 

You might remember the first time I showed up online like this, it was Episode 15 and since so much time has passed, I feel like it’s time again to reach out and talk about some of the behind the scenes things that are happening in my life that I haven’t really put out into the world: for fear, because of insecurity, or just because they were too close to my heart to share on such a public forum… until now.

I have no clue what’s next in our fertility journey: you’d think I’d be itching to get pregnant again and to try and start our family but I’m freaking scared and trying to just enjoy this season and the thought of “trying again” scares the living daylights out of me and I have no clue when I’ll be ready … or if I will ever be ready. The truth that it’s so incredibly uncertain is something that’s hard to share with so many people rooting for us.

I worry that people think we are living beyond our means: this past year I made more money that I could have ever imagined and with that, we made a lot of calculated moves to really set ourselves up financially. I feel like I’m an NFL player waiting to get an injury that would never let them play the game again and so my big goal was to be entirely debt free before I turned 30 and this year we made that happen when we paid off our mortgage and purchased our condo with cash.

I’m embarrassed sometimes about being strategic: I started to notice that when women were referred to as strategic, it often insinuated that they were conniving or calculated. I am at a place where everything I do has a strategy behind it and I’m proud of that but sometimes when I’m put in a group with other lady entrepreneurs, I get embarrassed because I’m so strategic and often feel like people might think the heart piece is missing.

My personal hygiene is absolutely questionable: I see you all out there joking about your use of dry shampoo but would you believe me if I told you that I might have the worst personal hygiene ever? I mean, I wash my face and brush my teeth each night but that’s about the only guarantee for the day. I go about a month without shaving my legs (and usually only shave them for my massage therapist, not Drew) 

One of my biggest issues is getting free stuff: Before you sign off of this show because this confession is so freaking stupid, hear me out. We get packages upon packages every day of brands sending me their stuff to feature on my platform and while we don’t accept product for post (trade or free promotion) we still get SO much stuff. One thing this year I’ve learned is stuff stresses me out and so it’s been a weird hardship that I understand many people would die for but I want to be really choose-y about what we are getting into our home and only share things I genuinely love in real life, then I am faced with the dilemma of what to do with the stuff that didn’t work out.

I don’t create all of my content: I don’t know why this one scares me to tell you but here’s the thing: I am a content creation freak… that being said, I haven’t created ALL the content you consume. I have a team now that helps me with the content creation and so while everything passes through my eyes and gets the rundown from me, I also have help in creating the best content for you. My team? They are experts in different areas and have different gifts and you better believe in my effort to work smarter and not harder, I have them help me out. This one’s silly but in case you were thinking I just never slept over here and spent days upon days creating, I do sleep, but I’m hustling alongside a driven team who’s always creating with you in mind.

The night I found out I was pregnant, Drew and I weren’t speaking: This one is kind of funny but a total dose of real life and I was honestly so excited to share this story with y’all because maybe it will make you feel less alone in your marriage woes. When we were in Hawaii prepping our condo, lord help us, I thought we were going to kill each other when I found out I was pregnant… This story is too real-life (and hilarious) for a blog post, so you’ll have to tune in to hear the full thing!

I get nervous when meeting my followers in real life: As my platform has grown, I’ve gotten more and more of a homebody. I’ve learned that I’d rather have a few very close friends than a bunch of mediocre, fair weather friends. This year when I spoke at a conference and found myself getting surrounded by people who called themselves “fangirls” I felt like crawling into a shell. No matter how real I keep it online, I always try and speak to one person and I honestly forget how many people I reach daily. I worry that I won’t live up to the expectations people have of me.

It’s been SUPER hard adjusting to Drew being home: One thing that I’ve been afraid to talk about is the struggle in our marriage now that Drew works from home. I feel like I should preface this and say that parts of our marriage are stronger than ever but also admit that there has been a big power struggle since he started working from home. I have unrealistic expectations for him and I feel like he’s floating between a part-time gig and a part-time homemaker (for real), and it can drive me crazy.

I am easing out of wedding photography: This was one I wasn’t planning on sharing online at all because it’s such a personal decision and I didn’t want to make a giant deal out of it. Over the last two years, we’ve attempted to plan our family around wedding season and I’m just done doing that. I’m done putting people’s wedding days as more important than welcoming a life into this world and so I am taking a little breather on this side of my business while we continue on our journey and I’ll still be shooting, just not booking weddings until we know what direction we are going and what that will look like as we start to expand our family.

Gosh, these shows always give me butterflies to post, but if I truly believe in a world that is authentic and raw, and I feel like this a way to move towards that. Now, it’s time to challenge YOU. Tell me one thing that is hard to admit… I promise you’ll feel more free after! I’m reading every single comment over on Goal Digger’s Instagram— so come introduce yourself!