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Why do we care so much about what other people think? It’s a question so many of us wrestle with, especially when we feel like we’re constantly managing the expectations, opinions, and even the judgments of everyone around us.
The truth is—it’s exhausting. That’s why today’s guest is here to share a life-changing mindset tool that has already helped millions of people break free from that cycle and start living for themselves.
My dear friend Mel Robbins is a New York Times bestselling author, the host of one of the top-ranked podcasts in the world, and an expert on mindset and behavior change. Her latest work, The Let Them Theory, is a simple yet profound tool that can transform your life by helping you stop trying to control the uncontrollable.
Imagine letting go of what people think, say, or do—and focusing instead on what you can control, what truly matters, and what brings you joy. It is possible, and Mel is going to teach us how!
In this episode, Mel will unpack The Let Them Theory and show us how to apply it to our everyday lives—whether it’s navigating tricky relationships, setting boundaries, or finally breaking free from the opinions that have been holding you back.
If you’ve ever felt weighed down by other people’s expectations or lost yourself trying to keep everyone happy, this conversation is exactly what you need!
The Foundation of Our Fears
We kick off our conversation by discussing a pivotal moment we shared in Greece, where Mel introduced me to her theory about the fear of what others think. It’s a topic that resonates with so many of us, and Mel believes it’s one of the biggest barriers holding people back from living their best lives.
Mel explains that our fear of judgment is rooted in our childhood. As children, we rely on adults for survival, and we learn to interpret their moods and behaviors as reflections of our worth. This leads to a fundamental flaw in our wiring: we often attribute others’ feelings to our actions.
For example, if a parent is stressed, a child might think they are the cause of that stress. This early conditioning creates a lifelong habit of seeking approval and fearing disapproval.
The Let Them Theory
Mel introduces her “Let Them Theory,” which is all about control. We all have a hardwired need to feel in control of our lives, decisions, and environments.
However, when we try to control how others perceive us, we end up giving away our power. Mel emphasizes that we cannot control what others think or feel about us, no matter how hard we try.
The first step in the Let Them Theory is to “let them”—let others have their feelings and opinions without trying to change them. This is liberating because it allows us to focus on what we can control: our thoughts, actions, and responses.
The Power of Letting Go
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation is the idea that we often give our power away in micro-decisions throughout the day. Mel points out that many women wake up exhausted, feeling drained by the constant effort to please others.
We often find ourselves in situations where we change our plans or compromise our needs to avoid disappointing someone else!
Mel encourages us to recognize that we cannot predict or control how others will react to our choices. For instance, if you decide not to attend a friend’s birthday party because you’re tired, you might worry about how they will feel. But the truth is, you cannot control their thoughts or feelings. Instead, focus on honoring your own needs and values.
The Three Things You Can Control
Mel breaks it down into three simple things we can control:
- What we think about the situation: Our thoughts shape our reality. By reframing our perspective, we can empower ourselves to make decisions that align with our values.
- What we do or don’t do: We have the power to choose our actions. If attending an event doesn’t serve us, we can politely decline and suggest an alternative way to celebrate.
- How we respond to our feelings: Emotions are natural, but we can choose how we respond to them. Instead of letting fear dictate our actions, we can acknowledge our feelings and move forward with confidence.
The Importance of Boundaries
Throughout our conversation, Mel emphasizes the importance of boundaries. When we say “let them,” we are establishing a boundary between ourselves and the things we cannot control. This boundary is crucial for protecting our energy and mental well-being.
Mel also highlights that saying “let me” is a boundary with ourselves. It’s a reminder to focus on what truly matters and to stop wasting time and energy on things that don’t serve us. By setting these boundaries, we can reclaim our power and live authentically.
The Impact of Energy
One of the most enlightening parts of our discussion is when Mel talks about energy. She explains that we often allow external factors—like traffic, long lines, or other people’s moods—to drain our energy. This constant state of stress can leave us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
Mel shares a personal story about a moment at a garden center where she found herself getting frustrated with the slow line. Instead of letting that frustration consume her, she practiced the Let Them Theory.
By acknowledging that the situation was out of her control, she was able to release the stress and redirect her energy toward something more productive.
Celebrating Others
As we wrap up our conversation, Mel and I discuss the importance of celebrating others’ successes. For many of us, it can be challenging to feel genuine joy for a friend’s achievements, especially if we’re struggling in our own lives.
Mel shares her journey of overcoming jealousy and insecurity to embrace a mindset of abundance.
She emphasizes that someone else’s success does not diminish our own potential. Instead, we should view it as inspiration. When we celebrate others, we create a positive ripple effect that can uplift everyone around us.
Practical Steps to Implement the Let Them Theory
To help you start applying the Let Them Theory in your life, Mel offers some practical steps:
- Practice letting go: Start small by letting go of minor annoyances or judgments. When you feel yourself getting worked up about something you can’t control, remind yourself to “let them.”
- Reframe your thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts about yourself and others. Ask yourself if those thoughts are serving you or holding you back.
- Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with yourself and others. Decide what you will and won’t tolerate in your life, and stick to those boundaries.
- Focus on your values: Regularly check in with your values and make decisions that align with them. This will help you feel more grounded and confident in your choices.
- Celebrate others: Make a conscious effort to celebrate the successes of those around you. This practice can help shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance.
I loved this conversation with Mel because it reminded me that we have the ability to reclaim our power and stop letting the opinions of others dictate our lives.
Be sure to get Mel’s brand new book, The Let Them Theory, to let go of the fear of judgment and focus on what truly matters—our own happiness and fulfillment!
I hope you found this conversation as enlightening as I did. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and it’s never too late to start living authentically. Let’s embrace the freedom that comes from letting go of what others think and stepping into our true selves.
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