Most people have NO idea how to negotiate. Myself included. I mean, I always thought I was a decent negotiator, until I did this Knowledge Broker Blueprint exercise all about negotiating that blew my mind. And helped me get my way in WAY more situations, without burning any bridges (umm, yeah, business AND personal situations, which let’s be real, are both important).
One of the biggest parts of negotiating is focusing less on you and more on them. Dean Graziosi (my business coach and one of the creators of the Knowledge Broker Blueprint) is a PRO at this and you’ll see that he himself isn’t a super intimidating guy. He has the kindest eyes, a smaller frame, and the biggest smile. He’s just this warm and inviting person, so many people actually underestimate him — which is to his benefit in the negotiation ring.
After applying his methods, taught inside KBB, I’m 10 out of 10 on getting what I want. Can you believe that? I mean, the best part is I used what I learned from him on him when he asked me to speak at his live event. I bet he wasn’t prepared for it, but this tool helped me set my terms for how I could show up best in this season.
So here’s the gist of his negotiating style. (Hint: it’s SUPER simple, simpler than you might imagine.)
The best way to negotiate, straight from my fav KBB exercise
01. Step one? Don’t talk. Don’t sell. Don’t reason. For real. It’s that easy. Just sit back and let the other party do allll the talking. Your only job is to simply listen. I know you’ll feel like jumping in or interrupting, but your goal here is to do the least amount of talking possible.
In fact, the more they talk, the more they reveal exactly what you need to do in order to get the terms you desire. You almost want to confuse them with your quietness and attentiveness, because they likely were prepared to battle.
02. Once they’re done with their spiel, all you have to do is repeat back exactly what they said to you. Did you know that most people just want to be seen, heard, and understood? All you do is start with, “I heard you when you said that you wanted xyz,” and reiterate their desires, goals, and fears that they’ve shared.
03. Now that you know what their ideal outcome is and you likely walked in knowing the outcome that you desired, write down the deal points you just discussed and determine if they are: nice to have, a want, or a need to have for you. Look at the points and really determine which bucket they fall under because this will help you to ultimately make a decision and guide the discussion in the direction you want to go.
04. Present a potential outcome that encompasses their: desires, goals, and fears that matches your terms and ideals. It doesn’t have to be a middle ground in order to be a win-win. In fact, if you spend most of your time listening to them, you will really clearly be able to hear exactly what they are looking for and have time to really think of how you can connect your desires with theirs.
An example of this negotiating model in practice
Let me break this negotiation exercise down for you in a real-life example. The other night, Drew really wanted to go out to dinner at one of our favorite spots that takes almost an hour to get to, while I wanted to stuff my face with our fav pasta joint that we frequent often.
I listened to him first and just let him talk about why he wanted to make the scenic trek, and as I let him talk (without interrupting), he started to almost talk himself out of his own decision when he really started weighing the options.
His desire? To eat somewhere other than my favorite pasta place.
His goal? To have a wonderful meal with his wonderful wife. 😉
His fear? That we would miss bedtime for Conley with the drive time.
So what was my offer? “Babe, I love that you want to go out to a fancier spot and enjoy a beautiful meal with me! I feel so valued that you want that experience with me. How about next time we have a babysitter, we can definitely make that scenic drive to your favorite spot. That way we aren’t rushed and we can enjoy the entire meal without worrying about bedtime for Coco. How about we go to Va Bene but we commit to trying something totally new off the menu and stepping outside our norm? That way it’ll feel like a new experience but we still know we’ll get the same delish food AND make it home in time for bedtime!”
Bada boom, bada bing. Okay, so maybe this is a funny example, but when you can first reiterate that you were listening intently instead of arguing or thinking of your rebuttal the whole time, it honors the other party’s desires.
(And if you’re wondering, I totally won him over and our date was a total win-win! We tried new dishes off the menu, enjoyed a date night at my favorite spot, and made it home in time to kiss Coco to bed.)
An insider peek at the negotiation tool inside KBB
Here’s something cooler than seeing the Spice Girls in concert (okay, maybe AS cool as that). Dean hooked me up with this tool from inside the Knowledge Broker Blueprint that walks you through exactly how to negotiate like a pro. So here’s what it looked like when I committed to speaking at his event — and a template for you to use next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to negotiate!
See how simple that is?? And you can see how it could be applied to everything — from nailing a business deal to convincing your hubs to watch The Bachelor with you on Monday night. It’s all about finding that middle intersection of your own desires, wants, needs plus the other person’s goals and fears. You are totally capable of negotiating like an expert, and this KBB exercise will show you exactly how!