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One of my goals is to really foster friendships in different ways this year. It’s one of those things that the more that I have conversations about it, the more that I feel like there’s so much commonality among us, and especially people who are entrepreneurial or who find themselves working from home, I think there are a lot of common threads of ways that we might be feeling or struggles we might be having, or situations we might find ourselves in that we don’t often get to talk to because we don’t have the friends to talk about this topic with.
So this episode is all about making friends as an adult – the who, the where, and the how (even the dating apps that could actually help you connect with new pals!) Let’s dive in… And just so you know, you’ve got a friend in me, always.
Personal Beliefs About Making Friends
Let’s talk about making friends as adults, because I see memes all the time about how challenging it is, or how people have reached their friend quota. Kylie told me in this conversation that she used to have an internal narrative that she was just bad at making friends, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I find inner narratives so fascinating lately, and I wonder where they come from and why we believe them. For me, there was a time in my life where I struggled to trust people’s intentions and desire for friendship. I think this came from not wanting to explain my success or how I got there.
Looking back, I cringe at some of the things I said, like how I struggled to make friends because of my success. That was on me, and now I realize that people genuinely want friendship.
Do you have any internal narratives surrounding friendships?
The Kind of Friendship I Desire Now
As a kid growing up, I was a social butterfly with so many friends that my mom couldn’t keep up. I had friends from church, gymnastics, work, and different schools. I even went to three different proms in one year at three different schools because of my different friend groups. However, as I’ve gotten older, I realize that I want depth over quantity in my friendships. I’d much rather have a few close friends than many surface-level friends.
I’ve also realized that proximity plays a big role in relationships, especially as we get busier with life. When we lived in suburbia, we had neighbor friends, but now that we’ve moved into the woods, we don’t have that same kind of proximity. It makes me wonder if those were true friendships or just convenient relationships based on location. I think many of us have experienced this as we move to different states or change jobs. While those relationships may have served us, they may not be the lifelong, deep friendships that we crave.
Maintaining Friendships As We Change
When people go through changes in their lives, like starting a business, becoming a parent, or experiencing a shift in relationships, it’s common to think that others won’t understand or won’t care to understand. However, it’s important to remember that it’s our responsibility to help people understand and to invite them into different facets of our lives.
Real friendship involves give and take, and while some friendships may naturally fall away, we can put in effort to maintain them as we evolve. For me, maintaining long-distance friendships is important, and I regularly check in with friends via text or other means.
Recently, I realized I hadn’t left my house in a full week, but my cup still felt full because of the friendships I nurture from afar. For example, I texted and checked in on 10 different people, sometimes with just a simple message letting them know I’m thinking of them. Through these check-ins, I’ve been able to support friends going through difficult situations and strengthen our connections despite the distance.
More from This Episode
This episode of the Goal Digger Podcast digs into many facets of making friends as adults including being an introvert/extrovert, navigating evolving relationships, finding friends in different places (even using dating apps), fostering long-distance friendships, managing expectations in friendships, ending friendships, and tips for meeting people like my friendly husband, Drew!
Press play to hear the full conversation wherever you get your podcasts.